I think I am morally bankrupt
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I have vodka in my lungs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
