Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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