I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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