he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
