Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
