Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
