My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
