i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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