I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
