8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's get the cat blown out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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