"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
