And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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