have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
