If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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