Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
