ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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