Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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