fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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