I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
