apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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