she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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