I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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