Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
