is your mom at the bar?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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