just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
