You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
