Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
