I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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