just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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