I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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