she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
