is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
