You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
