Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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