there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
