Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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