Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
