So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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