So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
