I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
