planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
