I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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