People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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