There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
