when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
