alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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