look no pants
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
