weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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