I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
