the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
