Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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