Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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