Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize