why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
