I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
