oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
