The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
