hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
