Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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