is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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