i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Two words: blizzard sex
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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