i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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