Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
