woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
