Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
